


FFWTF

by soulless_lover



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Angelus is painfully Irish, Bad Poetry, Cliche, Darla is a bitch, Drusilla makes no sense, F/M, Fanged Four, Humor, M/M, William is a crybaby, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-17
Updated: 2013-03-17
Packaged: 2017-12-05 14:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/724325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulless_lover/pseuds/soulless_lover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when you try to cram every Fanged Four badfic cliche ever into one fic? This.</p>
<p>Very short, but probably my favorite of all the fics I ever wrote in this fandom.</p>
<p>Total crack.</p>
<p>Written in 2005.</p>
            </blockquote>





	FFWTF

William was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the fireplace, writing in his Secret Poem Notebook with a glitter fountain pen. "I see thee, lovely effulgent tree," he wrote, "O tree, if it please thee, sing to me, tee hee, tee hee."

Darla was sitting in a plush wingback chair behind him, looking bored and annoyed, because that's all she ever did, aside from scream at everybody and pick on William, whom she hated with the fire of a thousand bitchy suns.

Just then, Angelus lumbered in. "Begorrah!" he said, ducking sideways to get his hugely massively enormously built frame through the doorway. "Moi, and isn't it a foine noight?"

"ANGELUS!!!" Darla screeched in her most harpy-like voice. "You will BEAT THAT BOY RIGHT NOW!!!11!!!"

William was afraid and started to cry, but it was pointless because Angelus was carving a shillelagh and hadn't heard the command anyway.

Druscilla danced on tippy-toes into the room and sang, "My pony needs polishing. Eleventy-one, Mr. Bear."

William stopped crying and jumped to his feet. He ran to her and cried, "Oh Drecilla, my precious lovely perfect mad dark goddess princess, I've suddenly been overwhelmed by the desire to make love to you, for you are the shining dark pearl of my sea!"

"Prithee put on your best concrete ballet leiderhosen, my pudding knight," Drisulla singsonged, "and we'll hippity-hop to the leopard's tea party." Humming to herself, she rocked back and forth like she was on crack.

Angelus got very jealous and stopped stuffing his clay pipe with dried shamrock tobacco. "Boot me laddie, oi wanted teh fook ye tehnoight! YE'LL NEVER GET ME LUCKY CHARMS!!"

Then Darla got all jealous, picked up a cricket bat with a nail in it, and started beating William's ass with it. "You HORRID WRETCHED BRAT!" she shrieked. "I'll see you DUSTED YET or my NAME isn't WHATEVER IT WAS before the MASTERPOO RENAMED ME!!!111!!" She was a great big bitch.

Angelus got all upset then, and grabbed William, pulling him to safety in his Sire's big brawny hugely massively incredibly python-like arms. "Oh me wee ickle lamby laddie baby Willykins!" he cried, his chocolatey orbs moist with emotion. "Didda wicked ol' lassie hoort ye?"

William, who had shrunk 15 inches and lost 73 IQ points, burst into wee ickle lamby laddie baby tears, gurgled, and puked. Angelus took out his Irish linen handkerchief and wiped the crimson spit-up from his ridiculously expensive coat, which had been handwoven by the Sisters of Erin from the wool of the Irishest lambs in Dublin.

"I like pink bread," Drezilla said, and passed out.

Darla screeched, stamped her feet, and flounced off home to the Master.

"Noo thuh leedees're boosy," Angelus leered, "Oi kin broong ye oopsturs, en ye kin kiss me Blarney Stone!"

"Goo," William said, and shrunk another foot.

So Angelus tucked his boy into a pocket, carried him off, and shagged him for 187 days straight, and they all unlived happily ever after.

 

THE END.


End file.
